Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
