You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
