what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
