My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
