Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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