I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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