I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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