Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
