im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
