Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
