There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
