his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
