I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
