I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
