are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
