hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
