Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
