oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
