happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
