she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
