I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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