i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
