Betty ford says i'm here all night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
