You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
