Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
