I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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