u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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