Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
