So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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