so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
