Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
