Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
