Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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