He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
