u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
