I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
