I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
