I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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