she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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