you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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