how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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