all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
