Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
