I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
