So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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