I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
