I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
