but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
