obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
