just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
