I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
