He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Randomize
