i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
