I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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