I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
